All the Extras
This page is where I'll discuss a mix of other topics which either are important or I just want to discuss and let you know about.
This post has been entirely spontaneous, but I wanted to write it anyway. Trigger warnings for anxiety and depression.
For anyone who doesn't know, I took a hiatus on the blog over August while I tried to sort out my mental health and some other things. This last Saturday, I returned with posts planned from the summer and a general more confident feeling, even while I had to scale back the days I post to Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Tuesday arrived...and passed without me blogging anything. The feeling I got the day after felt exactly the same as any other day this happens- why can't I keep this up regularly?
But the truth of everything is a lot different. I've had a pretty tough couple of weeks with my mental health. On Tuesday, I found some of my triggers. Before I (finally) realised this was what the issue was, my reaction was always the same- freak out, shout at the person who'd accidently triggered me and slam my invisible walls back up. Now I know, I hope I can be calmer about it next time.
I'm in a weird in-between possibilities place at the moment. I'm putting pressure on myself (thanks, brain!) and unfortunately, so are some people around me, though I know full well they don't mean to. My introversion means I don't like confrontation even amongst my nearest and dearest- and my anxiety fully flips out at the thought of having a serious conversation about this stuff. Instead of saying them face to face...well, I'm a writer for a reason! :) But I have some of the best people around me to support me.
So, that will have to happen.
I also keep not hearing any news about the counselling I'm looking into. It's really annoying, but I'm sure something will happen soon. Until then, I thankfully have unofficial counsellors which is probably just as good. I think so, anyway!
But it's a clear Friday evening in England as I'm writing this and I made it through a mostly bad week. It involved crying on people who are both brilliant listeners and some of my best friends. It involved me listening to my new favourite podcast, Mentally Yours, which is funny and just a great reinforcer that I'm not alone. It involved me yet again scrolling through the TWLOHA blog, which has long been a wonderful source of encouragement and relatability for me. It involved me reminding myself of all the places I want to travel to, the dreams I have for the future, the things I want to write and that this week is just one of many and better weeks are ahead.
For the record, trying to write this post in a way I wouldn't even accidently trigger myself was hard. I am sure there will be more triggers I haven't yet found and this week may repeat itself in some ways when/if that happens. But I still have lots of hope.
I may be fighting my mental illnesses for the rest of my life, but it's a fight I'm here to win.
All the best.
Hi, I'm an animal lover and have a degree. You can usually find me either reading or writing. Failing that, I might have actually ventured into the outside world...